Peace and Comfort

Sometimes it takes a while to recover when you bare your soul. It's strangely freeing and terrifying all at once. I have so much more to share and yet, I hold back. It's complicated really, letting your emotions flow. But tonight is different. Tonight my chest is heavy like there's an elephant on it. My heart aches for my niece and nephew whose father passed away yesterday unexpectedly. He was not much older than me. Everyone is still in shock. I want to say "I can't imagine" but I can, and I think that's almost worse. I know what an uphill climb grief can be, how it sneaks up on you at the most inconvenient of times. All of the sudden you're laughing when you should be crying, such an inappropriate and confusing expression of a pain that just won't go away. There are wounds left by those we love that never, ever heal. We adjust. We go on living. But we are not the same. I lie in bed tonight understanding the insurmountable hurdle that my beautiful, teenage niece and nephew will now face. Everyone deals with loss differently. Everyone has those triggers everywhere - a smell, a moment of déjàvu, a sound that reminds you of them. Our senses hold on to what's no longer here. They will surprise us when we least expect it. But I know from what has happened in my life that our resilience will surprise us, too. We all have inside us a spark that will fuel us through even the darkest moments where we feel we will never see a light again. And it's what we have to cling to because it's all we have. I will pray for you, my sweet little ones. I love you both more than words can say. I am here. You are loved. May God fill your beautiful hearts with peace and comfort.